Monday, January 7, 2013

Confessions of a Transistioner


I wrote this in the notepad of my phone awhile ago and at first I wasn't going to post but then I realized that It would be human to show the frustration of a transitioning girl. Besides, I know there is other females out there that feel the same. So here is my shameless post showing someone else that they aren't the only ones feeling this way, Enjoy :)

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Frustration has to be the most correct word for how I currently feel. When I decided to no longer perm my hair. I didn't think styling would be so much of a problem.  Not this early anyway.

 The only thing that looks good is a wash and blow out. Nothing looks right not twist outs, braid outs, roller sets, nothing. I haven't tired flexi rods or cold rod sets or straw sets as of yet, but I'm pretty confident that they won't look to hot either.

Maybe the next set I try I'll do it on hair that is blow dried and then use a setting lotion or spray to get the job done. Who knows maybe that will really work for me. I mean after all something HAS to work. Right? :/ My new growth is growing upwards causing all desired styles to stick straight up.

On second thought maybe a wet set will do the job. I'll just be in the drying process for half the day, it's pretty hard getting my hair to air dry on rollers. I've never had such a problem styling my hair before and the frustration is leading me to want cut all my hair off, but I think having no length would drive me even more insane.  No length, no style, feeling ugly,  depressed. A part of me wants to go back to relaxer but that part is only like 3% to me its too late to turn back now.

Besides i'll be going back to losing my hair and another underprocessed job thinning hair and so much more:/ I really want to chop all 10 inches of my relaxed ends I swear. But getting used to having no hair styling for at least 6 months to a year I'm not okay with that. Yes DUH I know eventually it will grow but, ain't nobody got time to be feeling, not like themselves.

All the power to the woman that can chop it and go. I don't have that confidence. Shoot, I'm still trying to get to myself with no extensions and this is no easy road.  My hair (no weave) gives me no life. Maybe I can get a sew in until my hair is long enough to braid and then big chop. (Evil grin) resulting to more sew ins until I am comfortable with my growth. :(  I don't know, I don't know, I just Don't Know.

You have been tuned into. The confessions of a frustrated transistioner.

The Whole Truth and Nothing But

So you all remember my last post, right? You know the one where I was super pumped about cutting my hair into a tapered cut. Yea that one.
Well I got super nervous and I discouraged myself from getting the cut.

Ok now time for the whole truth and nothing but. I know that everyone's mane is different. It will grow different, look different, feel different and so much more. Well, my last perm was sometime in August and at this point I hope I'm right because for some reason I feel like I might be unsure. 
What I do remember is that I had a perm at the salon and some time later after deciding not to go back there I let my mom (who always does it) perm my hair. I want to believe it was in August because the next time I went to the salon. (Dominicans this time). I did have new growth and I had gotten my hair blown out and I was shocked at the length I had.

Anyway, I saw a picture of a girl who was transitioning and man, her new growth was a good 4-5 inches at 5 months post relaxer. And I'm looking at my 2 inches like WTF.

Since I cut my hair pixie style last June, I felt like my hair had been growing slow. Then It was re-cut once I hit chin length because I was told it was uneven. Then at another salon it was cut again ( a trim) but, heck it was still a cut.

Now seeing my new growth at 2 inches and seeing her's has me like, what's going on with my mane. So anyway back to the cut. I don't want to cut my hair off into the beautiful tapered style that I love so much because.
Reason 1: I am terrified at cutting my hair that short and hating it, Just like what happened to me last year.
Reason 2: And this is the honest truth. Looking at my new growth which is barely there in the back. I realized I had no curl nor wave going on in the back and edges of my hair and I freaked the freak out. As much as people want to act like a curl pattern/some type of new growth doesn't matter - IT DOES. Anyway. I don't mind if I don't have a pattern back there if I can twist and manipulate my hair to form a curl/style. But I refuse to just have the back of my hair looking boring while the front is looking good. NOT GOIN' HAPPEN.

Anyway., the salon I wanted to go got bad reviews for cuts which also aided to my setback. I am too scared to do something so drastic not to mention paying my money for something that's going to take way to long to grow and get use to.

Kill me if you don't like my truth but it's the realist thing I can give you. I don't so much care about curls like it may be coming across in this article because I truly loveeeee fros and I love twist outs and braids and everything else over a wash and go (which usually only looks good and stays good on certain hair types) 

It's just about MY preference because it's of course MY hair. I gotta do what I gotta do for me and my hair.
So at this point I am returning back to my long term transition until the summer.

Last Relaxer: Some time in Aug 2012
Planned transition time:  8-12 months

Photo Credit:Google
Woman: Amara
This is my dream fro. I love the shape and size.